Resident Space Aliens Establish Rapture Training Camp

Roswell, New Mexico – Nazarene youth participate in first ever rapture training camp conducted by space aliens who have recently been granted resident status by the United States Immigration and Naturalization Service (INS).  The youth group of Living Oaks Church of the Nazarene had the unique opportunity to participate in a pioneer project designed to help Christians prepare for the rapture.

 While visiting in Roswell on their return journey from a recent Work and Witness trip to Albuquerque, they were the first large group to have a close encounter with Resident Space Aliens (RSA). During the encounter the RSA told them about their new business designed to help Christians prepare for the rapture. The RSA explained that one of the conditions that the INS placed on them is that they could no longer abduct humans for experimentation purposes. The INS did, however, allow them to keep their teletransport equipment and permitted them to use it for financial gain on the condition that they used it for “peaceful purposes.”

The Living Oaks Teens needing a break from the monotony of a long journey and intrigued by the chance to be “snatched” just like in the rapture elected to take advantage of this novel opportunity. So for the low, low introductory price of twenty seven dollars for all the members of the Living Oaks Mission Team, the RSA conducted the first mass practice rapture in history. After a few false starts due to the RSAs inexperience with such a large abduction rapture simulation, the group was finally teleported aboard the space craft.

 After a brief visit and tour, the troupe saw the room where experimentations were formerly conducted, but which now had been converted into a museum and souvenir shop. Inside the museum, the troupe met several interesting individuals possessing vast knowledge regarding space aliens, lost space craft and alien abductions. It is uncertain whether these individuals were RSAs, other Christians participating in rapture practice, or humans who were abducted before RSA was granted resident status that had elected to stay with the aliens as the result of some bizarre manifestation of Stockholm syndrome.

Once they had purchased their trinkets the group was returned to their vehicles by RSA. The group did briefly fear that Norville R---- had been abducted, because they couldn’t find him for a short time after they left the space ship. They all breathed a sigh of relief when they realized that Norville was merely modeling the latest in invisicloak fashion. The group continued on their journey chattering excitedly about their experience.