Holy Hijinx

Bresee May Have Been "Closet Muslim"

2008-03-21T17:24:00.004-04:00

Lenexa, KS (HH) The new headquarters for the Church of the Nazarene was thrown into turmoil this afternoon with the revelation that genealogists have discovered that Phineas Bresee is a distant cousin of Vice President Dick Cheney. This revelation is even more disturbing since these same genealogists recently discovered that Dick Cheney is related to Senator Barack Obama.

Obama's conversion to Christianity has long been suspect since he is related to known Muslims. Now that his relationship to Cheney is know, many are beginning to suspect Cheney's true religious allegiances, and that he may be a closet Muslim as well. Blood being thicker than water, now that Bresee's relationship with Cheney is documented, and confirmation of his relationship with Obama is likely, many Nazarene's are beginning to suspect Bresee's true commitment to Evangelical Holiness Christianity.

"I hate to say it, but there has always been a sneaking suspicion in the back of my mind," stated an employee of the Nazarene Archives, on condition of anonymity. "Bresee always had this thing against drinking alcohol, and records show that his commitment to abstinence from tobacco was somewhat weak. Evidently he was initially opposed to banning the use of tobacco among church members, and reluctantly agreed to give up his pipe for the sake of unity. But he sill had the audacity to have an official church portrait made of him with his pipe. Fortunately, we've done a pretty good job of purging that from the public record. I must say though, his attitudes are fairly consistent with Islams rules, prohibition of alcohol, but not of tobacco. You know," he stated thoughtfully while contemplating photos of Bresee and Cheney, "there definitely is no denying the family resemblance."

Photo Reveals Early Nazarene Symbols

2008-01-06T20:54:00.005-05:00

Described by Nazarene historian Timothy Smith as “Spiritual Shock Troops” Nazarene youth organizations can trace their origin back Phineas Bresee’s church in Los Angeles.(Breese) Initially organized into two groups, the Brotherhood of St. Stephen for boys and Company E. for girls. Over the years the Nazarene youth organizations went through a series of restructuring to become the Nazarene Youth International (NYI) we know today.(Girvin)

From the early days we find fascinating references to youth that were fired up for worship and evangelism. The youth groups in Dr. Bresee's church grew to over two hundred average attendance and demonstrated that while they were eager to do God’s work, they were not averse to incorporating fun into their activities. Each year the church would charter a train that carried up to 1000 people to spend a day at Long Beach or Plaza del Rey. Fun activities included “boating, bathing and a picnic, followed by a late afternoon evangelistic service;” these beach getaways were described as “the real way of having a picnic, as is customary with the
Nazarenes.”(Smith)

Due to the primitive state of photographic technology in the early 20^th century, very few pictures are available showing these early Nazarenes in their frivolity during their trips to the beach. Fortunately, Holy Hijinx has recently acquired a photograph that may depict what Phineas Bresee may have looked like when he was at the beach. In the Photo Dr. Bresee appears to be modeling tattoos that may be prototypes of contemporary Nazarene logos.

The upper tattoo centered on his left deltoid depicts Jesus providing care to the sick, this symbol is similar to the logo used by Nazarene Compassionate Ministries. The second tattoo appears to be a pseudo-tribal depiction of the descending dove and flame, a common graphic depiction symbolizing the Holy Spirit cleansing and empowering followers of Christ. The image of the dove and flame are similar to those that are now part of the denominational seal.

Our archivists speculate that the discovery of this photograph demonstrates that Dr. Bresee's visionary leadership extended beyond the theological and organizational development of the denomination and into the creation of the symbols that would become important in inspiring his followers to greater piety and service to others.

Holy Tortilla! Nazarene Founder's Image Discovered on Tortilla

2007-10-28T14:07:00.006-04:00

Pilot Point, TX (Nazarene Information Communication Service) Nazarenes from around the world are flocking to the site where the denomination was founded. They are coming here to view a tortilla bearing the likeness of Phineas Bresee, the founding General Superintendent of the Church of the Nazarene.

Current Nazarene leadership can hardly contain their excitement regarding the discovery. One elder commented that the discovery of this unique artifact at the site of the denomination's founding, and on the eve of it's centennial celebration, is certainly evidence of God's continued favor on the small, but visionary denomination. He further went on to state that the tortilla, an undoubtedly foreign food in a land of smoked brisket and brats, serves as confirmation of the international stance of the denomination.

To prevent the many hungry and enthusiastic pilgrims from consuming the tortilla, it has been secured in a hermetically sealed display case where pilgrims may view it, but not mistake it for an item in the potluck line. Arrangements are being made to display the tortilla will be displayed at the new denominational headquarters in Lenexa, Kansas.

Female Nazarene Elder Works to Reestablish Religious Order

2007-10-25T16:59:00.003-04:00

Los Angeles (HH) Sister Mary Merry who isn't married, is working vigorously to reestablish the historic order of Nazarene Nuns, known as Company Evangeline, also known simply as Co. E.

Holy Hijinx caught up with Sister Mary Merry to discuss her new venture:

HH: Sister Mary Merry, what is Co. E.?

MM: In the early days of the Church of the Nazarene, Co. E. was a ministry and fellowship organization made up of single women who served the Lord by serving the poor. It began here in Los Angeles, and expanded throughout North America. It was a very vibrant ministry in its heyday, but as the church grew Co. E. was integrated into other ministry organizations.

HH: Why are you trying to reestablish Co. E. if its functions were integrated into other ministries of the denomination?

MM: It is true that much of the ministries of Co. E. are still functioning within the denomination, but as it was absorbed into these ministries other aspects were lost.

HH: In your view what was lost?

MM: What was lost was a community of devout single women, who are committed to working together in service and proclaiming the good news of Jesus Christ.

HH: How did you come to sense that God was calling you to start this ministry.

MM: Well, it really started when I was in college at North American Nazarene Bible University and Seminary. Many of the young women in the dorm testified to being called to serve as Nazarene Nuns, the only problem was that the Church did not have an means for women to pursue that calling.

HH: So that's when you decided to reestablish Co. E.?

MM: No not really, I was busy with my studies, undergraduate, then seminary. I was also working as an intern in a local church, so I really didn't have time to think about it. But when I graduated and began applying for pastoral positions, I began running into roadblocks.

HH: What were those roadblocks?

MM: The first roadblock was that I am a woman. What I hadn't realized is that there are very few opportunities for women to serve as pastors in the denomination. It seems that most church boards, and congregations prefer to call men as pastors. The second roadblock is that I am single. Not only do churches prefer men to be pastors, but they prefer their pastors to be married. So after a time of searching for a place to serve to no avail, I began praying that God would give me a vision, not just for me, but for other women facing the same challenges to ministry that I was, that's when I remembered the dorm conversations of all those young women feeling called to become Nazarene Nuns.

HH: With all the empty pulpits in the denomination, is it really that difficult for women to find a pastorate?

MM: Oh yes, which is where Co. E. comes in. It gives us a place to live in community, with others who desire to serve, and provides a creative outlet for us to fulfill our calling.

HH: What forms of ministry will Co. E. provide?

MM: We are still in the development stages and are still in search of a building that can serve as a home and ministry center. Our initial ministry service will address the needs of the community where we will be located, so we are still seeking God's guidance in this area.

HH: Who may join your order?

MM: Any single women who feels called to full time ministry may apply to join the order.

HH: Mary Merry, congratulations on finding a place of ministry in our church, thanks for your time and may God bless you in your endeavor.

MM: I'm glad to have had the opportunity to share, thank you.